Fighting Her Own Mind To Survive

My almost 13-year-old daughter got what is hopefully her last mental health diagnosis yesterday. She has battled with major depressive disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, social anxiety, and what was an “unspecified personality disorder” for almost 2 full years. I’ve known it was a good chance she had borderline personality disorder for awhile now, but no one wants to diagnose it until 18 years old or older. This doctor had the balls to say she definitely has a “full blown mental disorder and we haven’t seen someone here in a long time with this degree of illness.” He added bipolar disorder (which her father has been diagnosed with for awhile) and borderline personality disorder. My daughter spends every one of her days fighting her brain and her thoughts to survive. She is the love of my life and I admire her inner strength so much.
So this is for you, Isabella. To show the world what you want them to know…how important it is to respect all people. To build others up and never tear them down. And to show how truly important you are to this world, your willingness to sacrifice yourself to save others. Those of you with family members or friends with BPD and/or bi-polar, hopefully this will help you understand how these disorders affect our loved ones, and why our never ending love and support is so so important for them to have. They didn’t ask for this, but sometimes thru their actions, they are asking us for help. God bless you all and keep fighting. Keep fighting like my bella❤

I just want everyone to know that I’m okay, I’m okay and I’m just taking some time off and just taking some time to breathe and that it doesn’t matter whatever happens that I’m always gonna be okay
For anyone who doesn’t know what’s going on there’s nothing going on it’s just my brain that’s going on and it’s driving me insane and all I wanna do is just be in my house I’m so fucking sick, I’m so fucking sick of the world. People are mean to me but I hate seeing ppl being mean to other ppl and it sucks when U wanna change the world but ur just one person and I just wanna save everyone and sometimes all of the universes positivity is coming into me and I just give it all away and I’m not keeping any for myself and I should but I would just rather save other peoples lives rather then my own but how can I save other ppl while I’m alive and I wish I wish this brain can stop trying to hurt me and I just wish that I can finally try to cure myself and life’s a fucking dream and I’m trying so fucking hard and it sucks because I’m trying to be a good person and I kill people with kindness an I just I just want the best for everyone and I want everyone to be happy an it sucks because sometimes I put ppl in front of me and before me and the best relationship that u can have is with yourself I’m trying so fucking hard and I’m thankful for every bit of support that I’m getting but something’s triggering me and I don’t know what it is and it’s just that it doesn’t matter whether I’m here or not the sun will continue to shine and the grass will still grow and the birds will still sing and people will live and the world will continue its cycle and I’ll just be another person in history that nobody knows but this is so depressing and I don’t wanna depress ppl and I don’t sleep properly and I don’t eat right and it’s ur brain and it’s just ticking and ur just going fucking insane I’m going insane and I hope everyone’s having a really good day, somewhat better then mine, ummm but either way I’m gonna be okay and we’re all fucking fighters and so are u and pls never feel the way I did pls never beat urself up pls never hate urself keep urself together keep ur self alive and do what ever u fucking have to do to stay alive.

About mkesterson79

Hi I'm michelle, a forever single mom of a beautiful teenage daughter. Life has been shit for us the last few years. My old jobs work comp company lost my paperwork, then significantly delayed my treatment, leaving me with 6 permanent work restrictions. I also went thru 3 relationships with ass holes and traded work comp for disability. More ass holes behind desks telling me how I felt and this is what happened to me. All of that has now left me with an almost-13-year daughter who has been more in treatment places then at home the last year. Diagnosed with major depressive disorder, social anxiety, oppositional defiant disorder, and just today borderline personality disorder with bi-polar hovering just in the background. Well...to say all this has left me bitter is an understatement. So please keep reading my "therapy". Poems comprised of the words I've strung together to get all this negativity out, rather then keeping it inside, alone, to fester. This is how I cope with life. Hope some of them may help you as well. Thanks so much for checking this site out😊
This entry was posted in Depression, Mental Health, Poetry, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Fighting Her Own Mind To Survive

  1. Tell her no matter what everyone is amazing including her, I personally don’t know her but you can only be yourself, and yourself is amazing.- Maisy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bjae83 says:

    I just started the journey, my 9 year old is surviving the same way. ODD depression and ptsd. I started my blog as a recovery process because she just was admitted to a residential treatment center. It feels like the more I tried, the more she resisted. Its so sad because they can’t be kids, and the world is against them in their minds.

    Liked by 1 person

    • mkesterson79 says:

      I agree 100%. I’m sorry you’re going thru this, but don’t give up hope. My daughter has slowly been coming back to me, and I’ll pray that your little girl does the same. A mothers love can move mountains, no matter how many obstacles stand in her way. Best wishes to you and your daughter!!

      Like

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